Reflecting 2016; finding the silver lining

Assalamualaikum and hello,

It truly has been awhile since I last pen my thoughts here, unlike those days where I shared almost every part of my journey in life. Be it high, be it low, I used to regard this journal as my solace in finding peace.

As of today, I am now a mother of two daughters. I gave birth to Durra Zaheera Binti Aizuddin on 27^th April 2016 at SALAM Hospital, Shah Alam. Those intense hours of enduring 28 hours of labor pain is still fresh in mind as is it took place yesterday. Battling pain in the wee hours is really not fun but it was all worth it when I first laid my eyes on her at 10.45am…. The beautiful full face, fair skin and effortless dimples… My beautiful girl..

Family wise; it has been a really tough year for us. Baba is now custom to hospital visits for his illness is rooted from his diabetes. Diabetes led him to inefficient kidney function, water retention in limbs and lungs, high blood pressure, neovascular glaucoma and the most recent development is one of the valves in his heart has dilated. My poor Baba.. Not to mention the chaos that my younger brother created during Ramadhan. That is another chapter that I’m still coming to terms with. We’re not putting wool over other people’s eye or whatnot, but as time goes by, let things unfold by themselves..

Career wise; let’s let the cat out of the bag.. As I’m writing this entry, I am now sitting at my workstation in Menara Petronas Kota Kinabalu. Yes, SABAH. My baby is in Kelantan under the care of my in-laws and Piya is with my husband in Shah Alam.. Thankfully I have a cousin here residing in KK and she has given me shelter since my 1^st day being alone in KK.. “Percaturan Allah SWT tu indah” is the mantra I keep telling myself. Am I sad? Of course I am; I am a mother furthermore I’ve been taking care of Baba since he fell sick in 2005. Uncountable tears I must say… It’s true what the old folks say “You will discover your strength when being strong is the only option you have”. Henceforth, there must be reason why I’m here despite all my efforts to prevent this. And that is another lengthy chapter for us to wade through.

Friends wise; well………….. I’m being very selective now. Walk with those who hold your hands during hard times, who listens, who offers a helping hand and pray for your well-being. For not all understands you, remember; we live in a community that nods & applause on your hardship. Hence, remaining silent is better than making sense out of fools. I may reserve a few, but the friendship speaks volume.

Lastly, to anyone who is reading, always be grateful with what you have. Your kids may be quite mischievous but at least you get to put them to sleep. Your parents may be rather annoying to handle but at least every time you embrace and look upon their face, you get pahala. You may think you are experiencing financial constraint but ask yourself; do you starve yourself? Does the kids get to go to school? Do you still have food on your table? I don’t have the luxury to any of these FOR NOW but I’m still grateful that my kids are still being loved and care, that Allah SWT is still giving strength to Mama to care for Baba albeit her limitations and finally Allah SWT has place me here to help putting food on other people’s table..

Jazakallahu Khayran Kathia